The Kids are Gone, What Now?

Everyone looks forward to that day when they drop their last child at college and head home.  We are empty-nesters at last!  The next major miles stone is when the last one is off the payroll.  That is all I have been hearing for the last 22 years.  For Dad, it was a great day.  He was so so giddy that he just can't quit smiling.  I'm happy for him, but all I can think of is what now?  Who am I?

I was a successful electrical engineer who was devoted to her career and then I had my first child and my world changed but I still  knew who I was and I had a plan as I always had.  Within 4 years, I had two more beautiful children.  They have been my pride and joy and for 22 year they have consumed the majority of my time.  When my first daughter was 6 we knew she had some kind of learning disability and I decided it was time to stay home and make sure she was successful in school.  On May 17, she graduated from University of Missouri and had a job waiting for her, so I know that I made the right decision.

Last September, I sent my baby to college and that is when my world changed.  For the first time in my life I felt lost.  I hadn't worked for 15 years and even though I had volunteered as many hours as a full time job, most of my volunteer work was for organizations my kids were part of, so that also came to an end.  I thought I was prepared, I had been looking for a "real" job for the last 2 years but had had now luck.  My thinking was that it just wasn't meant to be yet.  I still keep telling myself that, but some days it is hard to stay positive and believe that that statement is true.

Every day I get up and I say "What Now?"  Its a new day and with that I am determined to try something new everyday until I can find my new self no matter how hard it might be.  Today I am starting a blog.  It feels good just to say what has been hiding in my head for 2 years.  Its a good start!